She Wants Me To Spend Every Minute Of The Day Talking To Her
She completed national service not too long ago. I found her at the later stage of her national service period and we became friends. It was just friendship until she completed her service and went back home. When she got back home, I realized I’d missed a friend. My evenings were boring because she wasn’t there to visit. I struggled to eat the food I’d cooked because she had spoilt me with her culinary skills. Everything around me turned pale when she was gone so I started talking to her on the phone more than I used to.
We talked from morning till evening and sometimes spent the whole night on the phone talking nonsense. One day, I proposed to her on the phone and she asked, “Since when did you start feeling that way towards me?” I answered, “Since the day you left here. The emptiness your absence brought sparked that awareness.” She said, “You should have said it while I was there. I always looked forward to it but you never said anything.” I said, “I’m sorry but is it too late?” She said, “Nooo not that. I’m thinking of the distance I have to travel back there to hear you say it to me.”
The following weekend she traveled seven good hours to come and visit me. It was a whole new vibe. She didn’t come as a friend. This time, she came as a girlfriend so everything felt brand new. We had a good weekend together. She cooked and stored it for me before leaving early Monday morning. I will call her early in the morning and tell her my schedule for the day. She’ll say something like, “Be a good boy while you’re away.” I will respond, “You know I’ve always been a good boy.”
That wasn’t just an empty saying. I had no eyes for anyone. I carried her in my thoughts from morning till I will close from work because she had become my everything. My work is such that I didn’t sit in one place. It’s a site work so I moved from one place to many places before the day ends. That meant I couldn’t talk to her on the phone every minute and every hour like she wanted us to. It was for that reason I called her early morning each day to give her my itinerary for the day. But she wanted more. She will like to talk to me in the morning, afternoon, and evening and also stay on the chat with me in between those hours.
When I couldn’t give her such attention, she started complaining. It started with silent treatment until she couldn’t hold it any longer so she started nagging. “Hmmm, these days you hardly talk to me. It wasn’t like that from the beginning. You’ve changed but you are not ready for that conversation so it’s alright.” I responded, “I haven’t changed. It’s the demands from my work that make it impossible for me to stay on the chat with you.” She asked, “Is this not the same job you were doing when you stayed on the phone with me till daybreak?”
I said, “It’s the same job but you don’t expect things to remain the same after dating for all this while. It’s not intentional. If I had it my way, I would be on the phone with you from morning to dawn.” She sighed. She said, “You guys are like that. Now you have me so you think you can ignore me.” “That’s not the issue…” I said. She retorted, “You, it’s ok. Don’t come and lecture me.”
It’s normal for a girlfriend to want attention but you can’t give that attention at the expense of what pays you. She doesn’t work so I give her allowances every month. That aside, if she needs something that the allowance can’t buy, she tells me and I get it for her. I’m not saying I provide everything for her but I’m doing what every boyfriend in my situation will do. Those things haven’t changed. I still provide so I don’t see the reason why she complains.
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One evening during a phone conversation, I told her, “Honestly I can’t be on the phone with you every minute and every hour. When I have time, I will chat with you and no one else. When I don’t have time, I can’t do so much but it doesn’t also mean that I’ve changed. It’s only you I want.” I thought the issue was settled. I woke up one morning and saw four missed calls from her and two missed video calls. I called immediately. She started complaining; “Now I have to beg before I get the normal evening calls that you call me?” I didn’t get it. She said, “You know what you were doing that’s why you didn’t pick my video calls.”
That turned into an argument. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I told her, “You’re jobless so you have all the time to be tapping on your phone every day. Some of us don’t have that luxury.” She said I’ve talked down to her due to her jobless situation. She held on to that line and dragged me for days. I called every day to apologize. She accepted my proposal but the relationship wasn’t the same. Last month, she said, “I don’t think we are compatible. We keep fighting over the same thing. That’s so unusual of people who want to plan their future together. I don’t want to continue.”
I thought she was being petty because something of this nature shouldn’t break us apart. I told her to reconsider but she stood her ground. I didn’t give up on her. I kept calling, texting, and asking about her day every day as if nothing had changed between us. Even when she tried to avoid my calls, I kept calling until she picked. A few days ago, she said she could only come back if I promise her “CFC.”
I asked, “What’s that? What’s CFC?” She said, “Constant Flow of Communication—you won’t leave me hanging and you won’t go all day without talking to me.” I said, “But I never went a day without calling you. I always called.” She said, “I need more.”
I’m confused. Is there a working man who stays on the phone all day talking to his wife or girlfriend?” Even in the night when you’re tired and want to sleep, you still sacrifice your sleep to talk to your girl because she’s not able to sleep?” I just can’t understand her need for constant communication. Not that we always have something to say. Sometimes she’ll be on the phone and ask me to say something or bring something for us to talk about.
She’s not being reasonable and I believe there’s a way I can bring her mind home but how?