My Husband Wants Me To Choose Between My Work And Church
My husband attends a Saturday church. He told me from the beginning; “My church is the only place I find peace and happiness and I don’t think Ican ever change it.” When our relationship was growing wild and we felt it could end in marriage, we had another discussion about where the two of us will fellowship if we should get married. He said, “Just make up your mind and come to my church, you’ll enjoy it.�� I said, “I don’t think it’s possible. I’ve always worshipped on Sundays. Changing it would be very hard for me.”
That day we both agreed that when we marry, each of us will attend our own church. But along the line, he started inviting me to his church and each time I went there, I felt very welcome. Everyone in there did their best to put a smile on my face. He was the youth leader then so they started calling me “Madam youth leader.” I enjoyed their friendship and enjoyed the simplicity of their service.
We had a conversation again concerning where both of us will worship after marriage. He said, “We can say we will worship differently but how about the kids? What faith are we going to raise them in?” I answered, “It’s the same God we all worship so if you like to keep them in your church, I won’t stop you.” He said, “Then don’t stop me from taking you to my church. See how beautiful it is when the two of us go to church together. See the way they treat you as one of us. We are one big family will love to have you with us.”
When we got married, I didn’t think twice about it when he asked me to worship with him. I’d been to his church on many occasions and had built some sort of friendship with some members of his church. The transition looked easier for me than for him to join my church. Two to become one. In that same oneness, I accepted to worship with him.
I spent months learning about the church so I could be baptized. I didn’t agree with some of their teachings but it was alright. Even the original church that I came from, I didn’t agree with them on so many things. Few weeks after the baptism, my husband started living with me according to the dictates of their doctrines. If it’s meat we were going to eat, he liked a certain kind of meat and would like it to be prepared in a certain kind of way. He’ll tell me, “Remember what the teachings say.”
I always did according to what the teachings say and how he wanted things to be done so we didn’t have to fight. At some point, he turned his eyes on my work. He didn’t like it because I go to work on some Saturdays. He complained bitterly when I had to go to work while he was going to church alone. He told me, “Tell your boss that you can’t go to work on Saturdays so he should change your schedule.” I told him, “My boss is not the kind of person to fall for religious sentiments. He’s not a Ghanaian and he wasn’t raised to be religious. He won’t understand.” He said, “If he’s not religious, he’s now in Rome so he should do what the Romans do.”
I asked my boss if there could be a way. He said, “There’s no way. We need to work and get money so we can pay you.” My husband asked if I’d discussed it with my boss and I told him what my boss said. He got angry. “What is he talking about? You go to work every day so if one day you don’t go to work, will the company collapse?” I said, “My boss doesn’t see it that way.” I was at work one day when I saw him coming. He said, “I can convince your boss, let me talk to him.”
I took him to my boss’s office and left him there. A few minutes later, he stormed out angrily while talking to himself. He didn’t even stop to say goodbye to me. Seconds later my boss followed. He was clearly livid. He said, “You can resign so you can go and live in the church. Tell your husband to go to hell if he can’t deal with that.” When I got home I asked what happened and he said, “That broni pɛtɛ is stupid. Start looking for a new job and resign immediately. He’s a jealous God and he won’t compete for your attention with material things of this world.”
When he met me, I was working there and was going to work on Saturdays. He expressed concern but he didn’t make it absolute that I couldn’t work on Saturdays. I didn’t know why he was pissed all of a sudden because I go to church on Saturdays.
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When I leave for work on Saturdays and return home, he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t eat my food and wouldn’t have any engagement with me because I’d broken the holy sabbath.I grew used to it so on Saturdays when he starts behaving that way, I withdraw and gave him space. One day he told me, “If after three months you don’t get a job that allows you to freely worship God on Saturdays, I’ll cease you from going to that evil of a place you call work. I can’t advise the youth not to break the sabbath while I live in the same room with a habitual Sabbath-breaker.”
I didn’t even bother to search for a new job. I love my job so much I didn’t want to change anything. He kept being angry and casting stares at me but I didn’t bother. Currently, he’s getting aggressive by the day. One Saturday he made me call in sick so I could go to church with him. He said, “I’ll look for a teaching job for you so you quit that God-forsaken place.”
I’m still working at my old place and still going to work on some Saturdays. He’s making our home a living hell for me all because he wants me to resign from work. He’s a teacher. His salary can’t do all. If I resign and stay home with him, I’ll be the one to suffer. I’ll have to depend on him for everything which he can’t provide. It’s the reason why I don’t pay attention to his barks at me.
But It’s getting worse by the day. He could go a whole month without touching me because I broke the holy sabbath. I want to go back home to my parents but our marriage is too young to be running to parents this soon. I’ve lost interest in his church and want to go back to my church where I could worship and work freely. What do I do to break free from all this without breaking the marriage? Regardless of everything, he’s a sweet man when everything is fine with him. This whole sabbath thing and my work are threatening to break my marriage. I need to act fast before things get out of hand. What do I do?