I Gave Him My Past And He Used It To Destroy Our Future
On my first day in senior high school, I made a friend. I was struggling to carry my things inside the dormitory when she approached me. She spoke impeccable English with an accent of British. She said, “I can help you if you’ll permit me.” I said, “Why not? Please help me, it’s too heavy.” She helped carry my chop box inside the dormitory. Came back with me and help carry the rest of my things inside. She said, “I’m Pamela. I’m here to do science how about you?” I said, “My name is Betty. I’m an art student.” She asked, “Betty? I said, “Yeah, Betty.” She said, “My mom is also called Betty.” I said, “Then I’m your mom.”
From that day, she called me mom and I responded, “My daughter.” We built a strong friendship that saw us doing so many things together. I didn’t go where she didn’t follow and she didn’t go where I wasn’t leading. She lived most of her life abroad so she had issues with certain things that went on in the school. When there was something she didn’t understand, I was the one she ran to for the answers. She became the provider in our friendship. For the whole term, I ate from her chopbox. When there was something I needed and she didn’t have, she’ll say, “Let me call home.”
She will call home and the next weekend, they’ll bring it to her. She called me mom but I was her child, sort of. She believed in me and I also had a strong faith in her. The belief we had in each other made us confessed our secrets to each other without fear of being exposed in the future. One day she told me, “Back when I was in the UK, I had a girlfriend. I’ve dated girls only because that’s where I find all the happiness.” I was shocked but I pretended it was normal, just not to scare her. I asked, “Are your parents aware of that?” She said, “Noo, they are not. It’s my little secret.”
After she revealed that secrete to me, the texture of our relationship changed a bit. She became touchy and clingy. One day she said, “I can kiss you right now.” I smiled. Before I knew it, she dropped a peck down my cheek. She asked, “I hope you’re ok.” I said, “I’m fine.” She asked, “How did you feel?” I said, “I felt nothing.” She said, “Yeah, this is shallow. We’ll someday do more if you permit.”
I don’t know what made her think I’d permitted her. She started suggesting to me the things we could do and where we could hide and do them. She was very persistent but I always found a way to put her off. One day, she found me where I couldn’t have any excuse so I allowed her to do what she wanted to do with me and she officially became my girlfriend. She provided for us and at some point, paid my school fees for me when my parents were delaying the payment.
We were in school so we didn’t have the time and space to explore plus a lot of people became suspicious of us so wherever we went, we had eyes on us. We were careful—very careful not to be caught so we couldn’t do a lot until we completed school. After school, we kept contacting each other but, in my heart, I promised not to go on with her. When she asked me to travel to visit her, I found many reasons to decline. She made a lot of promises and even told me she had convinced her parents to give me a visit to the UK. I was excited and she was ready to do it but at some point, I figured it wasn’t worth it since going with her would give her all the liberties.
Slowly I cut ties with her and started dating to check if I had my feelings balanced. I was Ok. Men were still men to me and I felt a pulse each time I was closer to them. I dated quite a few. They walked away later and broke my heart. Silly guys.
Fast forward to 2020. I’d grown enough to know that a girl like me deserved a steady relationship that was going somewhere. I gave no chance to time-wasters while looking on for someone who had time to build a better relationship with me. I found Alex three days before lockdown. It was a distant relationship but he was determined to make me happy and was always there for me. He was my strength through the lockdown. When I wore a mask and followed the Covid protocol, I did it because I wanted to stay alive and be loved by Alex.
We survived the lockdown and survived so many other obstacles until we found ourselves celebrating the first anniversary of our relationship. A few months ago, I traveled to visit him because I hadn’t seen him for weeks. We were in the hall watching a movie when two women kissed in the movie. It sparked memories of me and Pamela so when he asked why I was smiling. I told him the story of me and Pamela. I ended, “Silly me. If I kept going that way, I would have missed someone great like you.” He asked a lot of questions and I answered. He even suggested, “If I were you, I would have followed her to the UK, convince her to get me a permanent visa, and later leave her.” I told him, “It wasn’t worth it and I’m here today with you because I made that decision.”
We finish the movie and went to sleep. The next day, I traveled back to where I live. When I got home, I called to tell him. The next day, he didn’t call me in the morning like he used to. I waited till mid-day and I called. He said he had been busy and apologized for not calling. In the evening I slept without his evening call. It continued for days and then weeks until I started asking questions. He kept giving me excuses here and there. One day he asked me about Grace. Grace is my best friend. We go places together and do a lot of things together as good friends would. He asked, “When was the last time you saw Grace?” I said, “I see her every day. She spent the last weekend with me because we had to attend a friend’s wedding.”
He said, “Are you sure you and Grace are not doing what you were doing with Pamela?” I screamed, “Oww Alex, why would you think that of me? The story I told you is over twelve years old. Why would you bring it back to my present?” He said, “Everything is possible so let me ask.” I said, “It’s that the reason for your current attitude towards me?” He said, “I have to be sure that you’re indeed changed so I’m watching.”
I felt very ashamed and sad that day. I even cried. I discussed the whole thing with Grace. She’s the only one apart from Alex who knew that story. She said, “You made a mistake for telling him. Now you have to correct that mistake.” I asked, “How?” She said, “Leave him. The only way you can make that wrong right is to walk away or else this would continue to haunt your relationship. Even if you marry, it will continue to haunt you both.” She made a lot of sense so I decided to walk away.
When he didn’t call, I also didn’t call. Weeks later, he called to ask how I was doing and I said I was doing well. He said, “You don’t call me these days. I said, “You also don’t call me these days.” After that call, he didn’t call again until two weeks later. He asked me, “Are we over?” I said, “Just as you want it, yeah we are over.” He asked, “Who said that’s what I want?” I said, “You said it with your new attitude.” He asked, “Are you serious?” I said, “I’m serious. I let you go the day you brought back Pamela’s issue.” He said, “But I was joking?” I said, “Well, that’s an expensive joke so I couldn’t afford it…”
Since then, this boy has been pursuing me, calling me morning, afternoon, and evening. Sometimes calling me at dawn telling me he wants things to be as they used to be. When I told Grace, she told me, “Boys will always chase after you when they realize you’ve stopped chasing them. Immediately you chase back, they’ll stop chasing you. Don’t fall for it.”
Three days ago, he called me around 1am. He said, “I can’t sleep because of you.” I said, “Please, Grace is sleeping here, I can’t talk. Goodnight.” He said, “You’re still spending nights with Grace?” I said, “I don’t want to wake her up. Bye-bye.” I cut the line. He hasn’t stopped calling. He even came to town because of me but I didn’t see him. There’s no way I’m going to give him another chance in my life. I won’t block him too. I’m enjoying his suffering. I trusted him and he broke me to pieces. It’s his turn to suffer.