I’ve lived with my senior sister for the past five years of my life. She’s 29 years old and I’m 24 years. My senior sister got a job very early and started being her own woman when she was only 22. She was working in Accra so when I had admission into the university in Accra, I came to live with her.
When it comes to relationships, she had it rough right from the start. She’ll have a man in her life and the next moment the man wouldn’t be there. The problem they all had with her was the fact that she was always busy. She told me, “They all complain that I’m too busy. Does that mean I should leave my work and stay 24/27 with them?”
I had a different mindset when it came to a relationship. I made it a point right from the beginning that I would never sleep with any man until I’m married to them. In school, I dated four different guys in two years. They all left when I didn’t give in to their sexual advances. I didn’t mind when they left. I didn’t cry and it didn’t break me like how most people break down when their relationship comes to an end. In fact, I knew they’ll leave when I refuse to sleep with them so I was always ready for the consequences of my decision.
After school, I met a lot of men who expressed interest in me. One of such men was Idris. I love everything about him. He was a gentleman and knew how to make a woman fall in love. He was the first guy who opened doors for me to enter before he would. When we went to the restaurant, he pulled a chair for me to sit before he sat down. He put me first in everything. When he came home to pick me out for a date, he would get down, hug me and open the door for me to enter. Such courtesies didn’t exist in the men I dated so I found it very alluring.
One day, he came home to see me and I introduced him to my sister; “Gifty, meet Idris. Idris, meet Gifty, my senior sister.” After shaking hands, my sister said, “You introduced me as your sister and said nothing about who he is to you. What am I missing?” We all laughed. I said, “Idris, please answer her.” He said, “She’s my friend. My best friend.” I said, “He’s trying all he can to avoid saying that I’m his girlfriend but I am.”
From that day, my sister kept asking about him. One night we both went out with him and had a beautiful night together. My sister couldn’t stop talking about that date. From all indications, she enjoyed the night. Then my relationship with Idris started suffering. He wanted more than I could give. He didn’t understand why I want to wait until marriage. I didn’t understand why he wanted it before marriage. He started pulling away. I tried all I could to make him stay but he wouldn’t. For the first time in my life, I broke down because of a relationship.
Two months later was his birthday. I didn’t care about it because we were no longer together. I checked my sister’s status and she had posted him with some long caption I couldn’t finish reading. In the afternoon she posted another photo of him and then in the evening, she posted a photo of herself and Idris. I was wondering where they both met to take that photo. I asked her, “When did you guys meet to take this picture?” She said, “Oh I didn’t tell you? I bumped into him one afternoon and he bought me lunch. That was when we took this photo.”
I didn’t think much about it. A few months later, one guy came into my DM on Instagram and we picked it up from there. He was a cool guy from all indications so I decided to give him a chance. He was a politician who had ambition for greater things. I loved his ambitions and his drive for success. He didn’t have much time for me but I understood him. Three months after meeting him, he came home to visit. I introduced him to my senior sister as my friend. When he left, my sister asked me, “Who is this one too and where did you get him from?” I told her the story of how we met. She said, “You seem to have a way of attracting the good ones.” I said, “We are just friends.”
Four months later, he wanted intimacy. I loved him too much so I allowed him to kiss and touch me the way he wanted. But that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. I said, “I’ll only give that to a husband.” He started pulling away. I did everything including begging him to stay. He agreed to stay but his commitment to the relationship was zero. I grudgingly accepted to let him go. It hurt. I cried. My sister asked why I was crying and I told her what happened. She said, “Don’t worry too much. You’ll get someone who’ll understand you.”
One morning, I woke up and saw this politician’s message on my phone. I was so elated thinking he had decided to come back to me. He said, “Can I see you tonight? I said, “Why not?” When I met him the first question he asked was, “What are you doing with your sister?” I was confused. I asked, “What do you mean?” He said, “Don’t pretend with me. Are you trying to set me up with your sister?” I was still confused. I asked, “Set up? What do you mean?” He said, “I just want you to know that I’ve seen what you’re doing. I won’t fall for it. It’s you I love but I had to be truthful with you. I could have accepted your demand and cheat on you later but that’s not what I want from a relationship. That’s why I decided not to continue. It’s not about another girl and it’s not about what you and your sister think.”
I did all I could to get him to be straightforward with me but he didn’t. I left his place very confused than I’d ever been. So, when I got home that night and my sister was sleeping, I picked her phone and went through the chat between them. My sister had been trying to get him to date her. She had sent naughty messages and flirty voice notes to him, telling him she would do everything to have a man like him in her life.
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So I went looking for the chat between her and Idris, that my ex she posted on her status. I nearly collapsed that night. She did the same with Idris and Idris fell for it. They had an affair that didn’t last as long as my sister wanted. At some point in the chat, my sister said, “You started this behavior not too long after I spent the night in your house. I’m not a child, stop telling me you’re busy and be straightforward with me.” Idris said, “If you don’t trust me, then there’s no reason to go one with you.” My sister said, “It’s not your fault. I blame myself for thinking you’re different.”
The next morning, I called Idris. I told him, “So you had the gut to go after my sister after everything?” He said, “Deal with your sister, not me.” He cut the line. I called back but he didn’t pick. I sent him a message, “All I want to know is how it started. You left me to pursue my sister?” He never responded to that message.
He told me to deal with my sister but I didn’t have the courage to ask my sister anything. I know she would lie. If I push it further, she would try to blame me for things that are not even related to the issue. Beneath her sweetness is a volcanic eruption waiting to happen so I’m careful with her. Somehow, she might have gotten a hint that I know what she had been doing so her attitude towards me has changed. She’s now reserved toward me. She hardly looks me in the eyes when talking to me. We don’t laugh and we don’t talk like we use to. I’m in my lane while she’s in hers.
I know her. One day she’ll come clean and we’ll have a healthy discussion about it but for now, I’m here harboring this minor hatred toward her. One day, I will get a job and get my own place. I will raise a family and I’ll never allow her anywhere close to my family. I love her as a sister but there are some people you love and still stay away from them. I’ll love her from afar but won’t bring her in my circles of things.