How Do You Help A Woman Who Doesn’t Want to Be Helped?
How Do You Help A Woman | She’s a sister to a friend and both of us grew up around each other. I liked her. In fact, I was madly in love with her but because of the relationship between me and her brother, I couldn’t try to make her my girlfriend. I went to the university and she also went to the nursing training. That was when we lost touch. One day, I visited a hospital and while seated and waiting for my turn, I found my two eyes covered with two hands from behind. It’s only someone you know who will do that to you.
She said, “Guess whose hands it is.” The clarity of her voice made it very obvious. I said, “Marilyn?” She removed her hands suddenly and laughed. She asked, “How did you get it at one attempt?” I said, “If you know a person, nothing can hide them from you. I know you too well.” We talked until she was called to attend to someone.
That evening the conversation continued. I told her how I felt about her and why I couldn’t tell her how I felt about her. She asked me, “Is the feeling still the same?” I said, “I lost it when I didn’t see you again. Now that you’re here, it’s back.” I felt the two of us were on neutral ground so we could date without the interference of her brother. All at once, I felt everything was possible. She told me, “Hmmm, There’s someone in my life now—Opoku. He’s not the best thing that happened to me but we wake up each day trying to make it work. Let’s see how it goes.”
That wasn’t encouraging but she gave me a lifeline when she said, “Let’s see how it goes,” So I hang on to that lifeline. When I had the time, I went to visit her and when she had the time, she came to visit me. One day she was with me when the guy called. I could hear him loud and clear from where I was seated because he was virtually screaming on the phone. He asked angrily, “Where are you that you’re not home by this time?” Merilyn answered, “I told you I was going to visit a friend and I left home barely an hour ago so why are you talking as if I’d left since morning?”
He kept screaming at her and even threatening to beat her when she returns. I heard everything clearly but I still asked her, “It’s everything alright?” She said, “Sure, I’m good.” Her posture didn��t reflect the goodness she talked about. All of a sudden, she sunk and became passive and pensive. I asked again, “Will he carry out all those threats he rained on you?” She answered, “Don’t mind him, he’s fond of making those empty threats whenever he’s angry. He’s so insecure and so jealous that sometimes I wonder how I got entangled with him.” I said, “He’s protecting what’s his. Allow him.
“What are you doing with my girlfriend?” – How Do You Help A Woman Who Doesn’t Want to Be Helped?
One Saturday, I was traveling back home when Ruth asked me to pass by so she could give me some items to be given to her mother. I was with her in front of her house when a guy walked briskly toward me. He asked angrily, “What are you doing with my girlfriend?” I knew immediately that he was Opoku. I lowered my voice and tried to be nice; “Opoku, hope everything is good. I’m here to take something from her.” He turned to her and asked, “What are you giving him that I’m not aware.” She smiled and said, “Why are you like that? It’s something for my mother. I didn’t think it’s necessary for me to tell you…” She didn’t complete her statement when the first slap landed!
He screamed, “Why are you lying to me. You’re sleeping with him, right? How did he get to know here if you’re not?” He was about to hit the second time when I held his hand. I’m taller and thicker than he is. I could have beaten him to a pulp but I was calm. I said, “Man, you can’t lay a hand on a woman like that. What did she do to deserve that?” Then he turned the fight on me. “She’s my woman. You can’t tell me what I should do with my own woman.” My heart started beating faster like it was ready to attack. I said to myself, “Don’t lose your grace. Keep calm.”
This guy won’t calm down no matter what I did. Marilyn won’t also keep her mouth shut for us to resolve the issue. She kept raining insult on him calling him all sorts of names. By this time, we were creating a scene. I heard one guy saying; “You and this your boy again? Can’t you leave him so he stops abusing you?” She came to hold my hand and pulled me along. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t know what next the guy will do.
I was on the bus going when she sent me a message, “Don’t tell anyone what happened, especially my brother. I beg you.” I asked, “Why are you still with him when he keeps beating you?” She said, “This is the first time…” I said, “I heard what the other guy said. This is not the first time.” She said, “Don’t worry, we’ll talk.”
This happened around May, this year. I did all I could to get her to speak to me but she didn’t open up. Because she didn’t open up, I tried to stay away.
You’re Reading Relationship Experience Article: ” How Do You Help A Woman Who Doesn’t Want to Be Helped? “
Two weeks ago, I left my phone on charge and went out. I came back to see four missed calls from her. It was around 9pm. I called back and the voice I heard was the guy’s voice. He screamed, “Why didn’t you pick when I called first? You’re calling now because you thought I would be gone, right?” I asked him, “What do you want from me?” He screamed, “Stay away from my girlfriend or else you won’t like what is coming to you. I know where you stay and I know the particular room where sleep. Don’t dare me or else you would regret it.” I heard Marilyn’s voice in the background struggling with him.
She kept shouting, “Don’t mind him, he’s just being stupid. If he brings his stupidity on you, deal with him however you want.” I heard a sound of a slap. I heard the two struggling. I heard them shouting at each other. I kept screaming, “Hello…hello…hellooooo,” but nobody answered. A few minutes later, the line went off.
The next morning, she called to apologize to me. I asked her, “Why are you still with this boy? He’s everything you ought to run from but you still hang around him. What does he give you that you can’t leave him? I’m calling your brother tomorrow. I will tell him everything. You need help since you can’t help yourself.”
In the evening, a line called me. I picked up and it was Opoku. He started shouting, “I heard what you were telling my girl. What will her brother do? You think you can kick me out and be in my place? You can bring all her family into this issue and you still won’t win.” I told him, “Brother, do you know your problem? You’re always shouting so you hardly hear when someone speaks. I know Marilyn when she was a girl—nine or ten. If She gives me a chance to deal with you, you won’t be there in the next minute. Know your boundaries so you don’t cross. I’m very dangerous but I’ve been calm through it all because you’re not my cross to carry.”
He shouted one last time, “You can’t do foko!” and then dropped the line.
I sent Marilyn a passionate message, appealing to her to walk away. I even gave her a number of a friend who is a police. I said, “Call him if you have to and that guy would be out of your life the next minute.” Guess who responded to the message. Yes, it’s Opoku who responded to my message. He said, “You think you can threaten me with police. She’s here sleeping like a baby and you’re there writing a thesis.”
She called in the evening. I asked if she saw my message. She said, “He deleted it after reading it.” I told her, “This is the last time you’ll call or text me. If you love him that much than your own life, go ahead but I’m out of everything.”
She had been calling me since and I haven’t responded. She texts me and I don’t respond. I want to tell her brother. I want to call her mother and tell her how her daughter is suffering at the hands of one “afianga” boyfriend. My fear is that I’ll tell them and she’ll tell her family that I’m the one who is not telling the truth. My problem now is I don’t know what else to do to help her.
What do you think about Cheddar’s love experience? What advice would you give him or what would you do if you were in his shoes?