How Do I Handle A Situation Like This Without Putting My Sister’s Marriage Into Chaos?
I started living with my sister and her husband when I started senior high school. At that time, they had married not long ago and were living in Accra. I had a school in Accra when I completed Junior high so my sister asked me to live with them and attend school. I was fourteen when I started living with them and to be honest with you, the two of them had been nothing but amazing. My sister treats me like the little sister that I am and her husband also treated me like a sister.
He attended all PTA meetings in my school and anytime he came around to visit, he brought me a lot of provisions. Sometimes he’ll give me money and asked me not to tell my sister, which I never did. What that meant was, my sister would give me money for school and her husband would also top it up. Because of that, I never lacked anything when I was in school.
After senior high school, I went back home to live with my parents. While there, my sister’s husband called me every day to ask how I was doing. I told him, “I’m doing just fine.” He said, “You should come back very soon. Since you left, things haven’t been the same around here.” I told him, “I can only come back when my results are in and probably get admission to the university of my choice.” He said, “I will ensure that you get admission into a university here so you’ll be closer to us.”
I thought it was because of my good works. I thought he liked to live with me because of all the chores I did while living with them. Months later, our results were released. I did very well. He called to congratulate me. That day my sister was with him so he gave the phone to my sister to talk to me. She said, “You need to come back very soon and start pursuing an admission to the university.” So, I went back to Accra and started the process. My sister was then pregnant. I think seven or eight months pregnant so she could barely move around. It was her husband who held my hand and helped me go through all the process.
The day I got admission into the university, I was so happy I didn’t know what to do. My happiness had barely settled in when one evening my sister’s husband came from town and threw something in my hand. I opened it and it was an iPhone. He said, “You’re now a university girl. You need something like this.” That was another round of happiness for me. My sister said, “Now that she’s using an iPhone, what else would her boyfriend do to impress her?” We all laughed.
I went to school when the time came for me to go. I was living on campus but because of my sister’s baby, I came home every weekend to help babysit for her and mostly return to school on Sundays. One Sunday when I told them I was leaving for school, my sister’s husband asked me to wait. He said, “I’m going out so Let me drop you where you can get a car easily to campus.”
I was in his car when he started talking about the problems he’s been facing with my sister. He had never done that so I was surprised. He said something like, “Ever since your sister gave birth, everything is changed around the house. She won’t cook anything for me and wouldn’t do anything around the house. In the night too, she wouldn’t let me touch her.” That was a whole new level to me so I didn’t know what to say. I asked childishly, “Should I talk to her on your behalf?” He said, “Nooo, whatever I’m telling you is between you and me. Never say a word to her.”
He never stopped complaining to me. Sometimes when he closes from work, he’ll come around campus to see me. He’ll say nothing apart from all the wrong things my sister had done to him. One night around 11pm, I was online chatting when I saw his message; “You’re not asleep? Who are you talking to?” I said, “I’m finding it hard to sleep so I’m online watching other people’s status.” He said, “Let me see your sleeping face.” I asked, “A photo?” He said, “Let’s do a video call. Don’t say anything, just let me see your face.” He called. I picked. The camera was on me. He was smiling. He texted, “You’re looking beautiful.” I said, “Thank you.” He said, “I wish I could look at you like that until morning.” I asked, “Where’s my sister?” He started complaining. I turned off my internet. Soon the video cut. I slept with worries in my heart.
I asked myself, “Isn’t he going too far with me? Is it alright to be chatting with him at that late hour? Should I start telling my sister what he had been telling me? Should I start ignoring him?” Too many unanswered questions.
Another time another video call. Because of him, I started turning my data off in the night. When he called and he didn’t get me, he’ll ask why and I’ll tell him, “I didn’t have data.” Minutes later, he’ll send me MoMo. “Buy credit so we talk tonight.” The night would come, I will find a reason to swerve that video call. At some point, I ran out of excuses. One night I had a video call with him again. He said, “I want to see your full body. “Send the camera to your here…nooo, turn that camera this way. Ahuh, go down a little…” I turned off the room light. He asked, “Oh why. I said, “It’s my roommate. She wants to sleep.” He said, “See the devil, trying to dim my shine.”
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I’ve had enough so I blocked his line. I will block I and unblock so he wouldn’t know it was intentional. I will see his call and not pick. He would call the whole day but I will not pick his call, trying hard to let him know I was not comfortable on the path he was taking me. He pretended not to see. He kept going until recently he asked me, “Can you send me one of your sexy photos?” I asked, “What’s that?” He said, “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” I said, “I don’t have one. I don’t even take photos.” He said, “Don’t worry I will teach you. Just take one when you are bathing. Bathing photos of you would be awesome.”
Just imagine. My sister’s husband asking me for such a thing. I told him, “I won’t do that. What if my sister sees it on your phone. Are you comfortable discussing such things with me? Does it not prick your conscience that I’m the younger sister of your wife?” He asked, “Why are you behaving like a kid? You’re in the university, you should understand these things.” That day I nearly insulted him but for the sake of all the good things he continues to do for me, I kept my tongue in check.
I want to tell my sister about it. I want to call my mother and tell her. Last time, I called my senior brother with the sole aim to discuss it with him but immediately he said hello on the phone, something told me, “Don’t tell him. He’s not the right person to hear this.” I simply said, “I called to check up on you.”
I want to talk to someone about this before things get out of hand. Who do I tell? How do I handle a situation like this without putting my sister’s marriage into chaos? He’s a good man to my sister. I’ve lived with them and I’ve seen the kind of love and chemistry between them. At some point, I wished to have a husband like him. I don’t want this to destroy everything. He helps my education. I don’t want to lose that favor. Where should I go from here?